I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
