she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Quick, to the slutcave!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
