She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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