Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
