I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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