you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
