I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
