sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
