hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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