just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk is not a location!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
