Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
