I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
