I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Randomize