i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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