Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
