even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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