pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
