WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
