He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
