I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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