if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
