I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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