In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
