Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
that's an acceptable place to lick
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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