In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize