Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
