I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
