You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
