Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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