In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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