I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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