He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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