thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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