i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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