it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
