the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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