My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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