Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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