some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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