i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
