I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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