hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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