These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
