In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
