There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
