he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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