So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
