It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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