One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
