I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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