There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
