Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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