tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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