worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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