i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so let's talk penis.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
