somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
