so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
