my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
