drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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