Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
