Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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