TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
