We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
