Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
