life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
