she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
