I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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