my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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