I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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