Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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