My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize