Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
